


What she had to lose.

by Maitimiel



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:37:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maitimiel/pseuds/Maitimiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josie gets a phone call, and realizes she no longer wants to leave Twin Peaks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What she had to lose.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laughingpineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingpineapple/gifts).



Josie put down the telephone after the man on the other end had hung up, her movements dazed and slow. The message had been very simple. Soon she was to finish all business and leave Twin Peaks.

A part of her wondered why didn’t she feel more relieved. She had never wanted to come here in the first place, this plan had been messy and dangerous, and if Eckart had not made it clear how much he _wanted_ her to come, she wouldn’t have. To leave the city would be the same as leaving the danger, leaving the complicated politics and scans she had been involved in. No more worries about administration, no more of Catherine’s harsh words or Ben Horne's deceptions. She ought to be happy.

Yet, something within her didn’t feel happy at all. She could hear Pete bantering with the housemaid, and suddenly felt very sad that soon she wouldn’t be able to hear his laughter, or his casual fishing stories. Twin Peaks had been a peaceful place to live, even if she had to live with a mask. 

Josie had gotten used to her masks. All of her life, she had had to conceal herself, conceal her true personality and her true self. As a child, she had learned to keep her emotions hidden, to be pleasant and sweet, to bring joy to everyone around her. As a young woman, she had been taught how to use such sweetness to a purpose: to manipulate men and get from them what she needed, and later, what she desired. 

She didn't feel guilty about it. It was the only way she could survive. If she hadn't done it, who knows where she would be now, if she would have ever left the dirty streets of Hong Kong, what would have happened to her? She was no helpless child, but she had few choices in her life. She had made the best of very difficult circumstances, and there was no reason why she should be restless at night. 

She had also learned, from a young age, that letting her masks fall could have terrible consequences for her. The first time she had decided she was too upset to come down for tea with the gentlemen, she had realized how much worse her life could become. Whoever she decided to act like, it had to be a constant, flawless performance. Any pauses were too dangerous. No one could be trusted. She knew better now than to let anyone close enough to see her for who she really was. 

The fear of getting caught was always in her mind. Here in Twin Peaks, Josie had played her most dangerous part yet. Should anyone discover her great ploy, there would be more extreme consequences than Eckart's anger. She knew, from the beginning, that if she was not very careful, if she let herself slip even for a second, she might be arrested and never allowed to see daylight again. 

Josie knew she had much to lose. But this time, she was not just afraid for herself. It had taken her a while to notice. At first, she tried to pretend it was just the natural affection that comes with convivence, but she couldn't deny anymore that her feelings for Harry Thruman were much more deeper than she had intended. She had planned to use him as a shield, in case anyone should notice anything strange in Andrew's death. Harry was popular and loved in the city, and people respected his judgement. He could protect her. He could deflect any accusations. 

But now Josie didn't want that anymore. She felt sick to her stomach whenever she thought of what would Eckart do if he knew about it. She could never let him find out, or Harry would be in terrible danger! She had never wanted him to be hurt. It was her own responsibility to make sure Eckart never knew she had fallen for him, and that Harry Thruman remained in the dark about this whole plot. 

She felt guilty for the first time, though, for lying to a man. She never wanted so intensely to come clean about everything. To let someone in her shields and get to know her, the real her, she had shown to no one. But she would not be so selfish as to risk his safety. Besides, he had fallen in love with a clueless, helpless widower. Who could tell if hhe would love the Josie that plotted and faked, the Josie who had a mission all along, the Josie who was responsable for her husband’s death?

The masks and lies would have to stay. 

In the end, Josie was no teenage girl. She wasn't like Laura Palmer; in the end, she would survive. She would leave this small town and take with her only memories. Memories of a kind Sheriff who had loved her, without ever knowing her. It was the way it had to be. She had no choice. 

She looked out of her window, waiting for his car to appear in the driveway. She would make memories for herself to remember him by, when she had to leave. She would give him some too, if he wanted them. 

The shopping bags she had been sorting through before the phone ringed were still on the table. She picked the most beautiful gown out of it and held it in front of her body. The black silk draped around her fluidly like water. It felt cold to the touch. One day, she would look at it and remember it being warm. She would remember Harry’s hands touching her skin through it.

The car lanterns shone in the distance, and she stood up. He got out of the car, running to escape the rain. She heard the door bell ring. Pete Would let him in. She looked herself in the mirror and put her new outfit on. She would make harry remember her, just as vividly as she would remember him. And she would remember him. For all the short time they had, he was already burned in her memory, never to fade. 


End file.
